Over the last ten days I rediscovered the joy of using the phone… for talking.
Like most Americans, I text. A lot. Every day in the US we send over 6 billion text messages. 98% of texts get opened, about half get a response.
(In case you are a Trivial Pursuit fan: The first-ever text message was sent December 3, 1992, by software engineer Neil Papworth, to Vodafone director Richard Jarvis. It read: "Merry Christmas")
Email is used less often, and is viewed as a transactional, more formal vehicle. The average US worker receives and opens 60% of 121 emails per day, and responds to 30%. Some may be spam, newsletters, notices, passive aggressive use of BCC, or the email was just FYI… no response required.
According to those who keep track of these things:
Every working day we spend
3 hours per day on email
26 minutes per day on texts
60 minutes on social media
Most of these 7+ hours of activity are on hand held devices called phones.
We spend 22 minutes on the phone using it to make calls.
And, we sit every day for 2 hours and 39 minutes watching television.
My iPhone is usually close at hand. When it chimed for the umpteenth time announcing a new text, I looked at the number on the screen and asked myself why wasn’t I using the phone to talk to people voice to voice?
It is hard to admit, but email and text have become the favored technology for a “virtual conversation” or to make a “collaborative” decision.
Too many of us are accustomed to using digital communication to not have a real conversation about good news, bad news, or to clarify expectations.
So I decided to re-boot my skills at actually talking with people on the phone, even when a text or e-mail would have been expected.
Here is what I learned.
When having difficult conversations, I was interested in the whole person on the other end, not just the issue we were talking about. We didn’t have to guess at the feelings the other party. Neither of us had to try and interpret the tone of an email or text.
If Joan was frustrated with my lack of clarity, we didn't need to send five emails or 20 texts to get to the bottom of what we were talking about. We had a frank exchange and made decisions quickly and respectfully.
Pat and I talked about important and personal topics, as well as promising and hopeful ideas, and we used language, timing, reflection, and we both listened... even to the pauses and the unspoken ambiguity of the situation.
Craig negotiated a business transaction to repair a roof for us. He talked me through the process, acknowledged my hesitancy to sign on for another disappointment (fourth fix, fifth company), and we built trust by calling one another several times, connecting, promising to get back to each other, and honoring those promises.
Afterward, I called the other contractors to thank them for coming out and putting together their bids. Adding how much we appreciated their efforts and responsiveness. No email, or text, but a voice saying thank you for being professional and an acknowledgment of their effort.
It was hard to do at first; I had grown accustomed to the e-z way as in the email way out of disappointing others.
All this phone time was actually… invigorating. We had conversations, back and forth discussion, and listened and built on each other’s ideas in real time. These calls were productive, connected, and human.
Here is the tip my clients will get on the next visit (or call): If a problem, or difficult decision has landed on your desktop or phone screen. Pick up the phone and call the sender to have a conversation; it might be just the change you both need to find a creative and relationship building result.
A great read on this topic:
Sherry Turkle of MIT, “The Flight From Conversation” see: http://www.nytimes.com/2012/04/22/opinion/sunday/the-flight-from-conversation.html
